It didn’t take long for the first man on the dating site to tell me that I was a ‘crazy cat lady’. He said it one night over the phone as I enthused about my newly adopted cats, Caspar and Winter.
It took me by surprise. I suddenly felt like an object of pity who adopted two cats because I couldn’t get a man. Not only was it unfair – you never hear about ‘crazy cat guys’ – it was untrue. I was not single because I was undesirable. I had been with my previous partner for six years.
It was a devastating blow to find myself single as I approached 40, fearing a future alone as I got older and with all my friends settled down.
You learn a lot about loneliness after a break-up. As the days dragged on sleeping by myself, dining for one each night and with no-one to talk to or meet, the loneliness started to creep up on me.
I started to weigh up my options. I’d considered getting a pet for a long time – the whiter and fluffier the better. So one evening, with little else to do, I found myself logging onto the Cats Protection site. I saw hundreds of cute kittens and cats.
It was a pair of brothers who struck a chord with me though, two tabbies – Caspar and Winter. A few phone calls and a location check later and I was in an Uber to pick them up from foster care.
Within days they had made themselves at home. The cats were not just good company. The responsibility of keeping them fed, watered, warm and entertained gave me the focus and distraction that I needed to put distance between myself and my break up. They also taught me just how far a little TLC can go.
My cats had a hard start life having been abandoned outside by their previous owners. Winter was so timid and nervous when I picked him up but just three days later he was displaying his bits in front of the fire and fighting with Caspar.
What I didn’t expect was that I’d find the confidence to look for love again. After my ex had left, I felt so unlovable. My self-esteem was in my boots, while my ex-partner was out socialising with younger women.
I felt old and invisible by comparison. Simply receiving cuddles from Caspar and Winter made me feel worthy of love once again. In the ‘cat-mum’ role I’m judged beyond my capacity to party, or dissect politics, or for my youth or looks.
Not once have I been criticised for a comment or an outfit. I’m a provider, I give my cats a roof under which they can live, play and explore. They’ve helped me to feel important again, and not just a number on the wrong side of 30. With my new-found confidence I logged back onto dating sites. I was called a crazy cat lady more than once and it’s a stereotype that can hold women back when it comes to finding love.
One man’s Tinder profile specifically stated ‘no Crazy Cat ladies’ so to some we’re seen as women to avoid, which was why it was so important that I reclaimed this label.
If I can find two loving cats to live with online, I’m sure a nice guy and a loving relationship will naturally follow suit. At the time of reading, I will have had my first date with David, a musically-inclined farmer with a big ginger beard. We bonded over our interest in animals. His profile picture showed him holding a calf and it spurred me on to set up drinks at my local.
I still very much feel that having my two cats come into my home and care was meant to be. A blessing. Fate. I feel more complete and more of a ‘unit’ – we’re like a mini family. They give me the same kind of feeling of ‘oneness’ that I’ve had in past relationships. It was their regular, reliable and stable affection that helped me move on from my break up.
My cats give me unconditional love and in return they get all their needs met (plus a little catnip). They have taught me that true love is about just being there, at all times, and not just the best or stable times. That a hug after a bad day goes a long way.
